On the twenty seventh day of October in the year of our Lord 1985, the fifth episode of the second season of Murder, She Wrote aired. Titled Sing a Song of Murder, it is set in London. (Last week’s episode was School for Scandal.)

After some establishing shots of London and a small theater, the episode opens in a theater. On stage is Oliver Trumbull, who is this theater’s Fozzie Bear (I find it’s easiest to explain this theater as a live-action Muppet Show).

His jokes aren’t nearly as good as Fozzie’s, though. Here’s his first one:

A bloke never gets in trouble chasing women. It’s after they’re caught the trouble begins.

His second is no better:

I just got this letter from a man. Says if I don’t stay away from his wife, he’s gonna shoot me. Ruddy mess he’s put me in. He didn’t sign it.

His delivery is bored and lethargic, which, when combined with the terrible material, makes the audience’s non-reaction easy to sympathize with.

Unfortunately for us all, there’s no Statler and Waldorf to liven things up. Instead, Mr. Trumbull heckles the audience for not laughing, which is a bit painful.

We then meet Archie, the Kermit of this theater, who is standing in the wings, waiting for the act to be over, when Oliver Trumbull’s daughter Kitty shows up and he greets her.

Trumbull’s daughter, Kitty, is played by Olivia Hussey, who you might recognize as having played Mary in the movie Jesus of Nazareth some years before.

He’s surprised to see her on a weekday and she explains that school is on vacation (“on holiday”). Archie asks if her Dad has mentioned the offer the theater has received to buy it but she doesn’t think it matters because “the great lady” won’t sell. (She makes it pretty clear that she dislikes “the great lady”.)

Kitty then runs into Bridget, who isn’t overly friendly to her. Bridget is Irish, which might be related (in stereotypes, the Irish often have sharp tongues).

Bridget is played by Glynis Johns, who you might recognize as Maid Jean in The Court Jester or Mrs. Banks in Mary Poppins.

Shortly after this, Fozzie’s act is finally over and Kermit goes out on stage to bridge the acts:

He actually says, “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

Then he introduces “the gemstone of our evening’s diversion,” Miss Emma McGill. (She’s a less violent Miss Piggy.)

Emma is Jessica’s cousin, and just happens to look exactly like her. Anyway, she sings a song called Little Yellow Bird. Here is the first two verses, which give a pretty good idea of what the song is like:

The snow was very plentiful, and crumbs were very few
When a weather-beaten sparrow through a mansion window flew.
Her eye fell on a golden cage, a sweet love song she heard
Sung by a pet canary there, a handsome yellow bird.
He said to her, "Miss Sparrow I've been struck by Cupid's arrow
Would you share my cage with me?" She looked up at his castle
With its ribbon and its tassel and in plaintive tones said she:

Sweet, sweet little Yellow-bird,
I'd gladly mate with you
I love you, little Yellow-bird, 
But I love my freedom too ...
So good-bye, little Yellow-bird,
I'd rather brave the cold
Than a prisoner be, and a slave like thee
In a cage of gold.

First published in 1903, it was features in the 1945 movie The Picture of Dorian Gray. Sung by Angela Lansbury!

Given that Emma McGill is singing out of date songs while she desperately clings to past glory, it is a fascinating choice to use a song which Angela Lansbury sang in a movie almost exactly forty years before. If you have any familiar with the career of Angela Lansbury, you’ll be aware that she did a great many very different things in those forty years and was in no way trying to hold onto the past.

But on the other hand, one of the main themes of Murder, She Wrote is that old things are still valuable. Which makes the reaction of the crowd interesting. They start singing along. Even the punks.

On the flip side, we get a scene with Archive and his wife Violet (who, so far as I can tell, has no equivalent on the Muppet Show because she’s not a performer, but she doesn’t have a big part in this episode, so it doesn’t really matter).

She’s upset that Emma isn’t willing to sell the theater and wants Archie to try to talk her into it.

Back on stage, Emma finishes her song and the audience claps enthusiastically.

Back in her dressing room, Emma remarks to Bridget that if the weather hadn’t been so ghastly they’d have done much better. Bridget replies, “Right. That and have parliament black out the tely.”

Archie comes in and tries to talk Emma into selling, but she won’t budge.

Later that night, Emma joins Oliver, who was waiting for her. They decide to go to the “Ram’s Head” for a pint (of beer). As they start walking, Emma says that she wishes that Kitty (Oliver’s daughter) liked her better. Oliver assures Emma that Kitty adores her, in a way that suggests that Oliver really is this oblivious. Also, he tries to talk Emma into selling the theater and retiring, and she replies that she loves him, which is why she’s going to do him the favor of not marrying him.

As they go outside, Oliver realizes his forgot his wallet and goes back inside to get it. As she starts walking outside, someone tries to run Emma over and she’s barely able to dodge out of the way.

Oliver comes out and runs over to her and she lies that everything is fine and it was just a drunk driver.

The next day, Emma gets into her car while someone in another car watches on, and music plays which is equally ominous the music which played while the car was waiting to run over Emma the night before. Emma drives off the car follows.

Then in Cabot Cove, Jessica gets a call from Emma’s solicitor, Earnest Fielding.

Interestingly, the actor, Kristoffer Tabori, played Philip Carlson in the first season episode We’re Off To Kill the Wizard. (In a year or two, he would also play Sir Henry Baskerville in the Grenada version of The Hound of the Baskervilles starring Jeremy Brett.) Anyway, Mr. Fielding gives Jessica the sad news that her cousin Emma has been killed in a fatal auto accident. Emma specifically requested that Jessica attend the service in her will, so we get some stock footage of a Boeing 747 landing and Jessica is in London.

Before Fielding can pick her up, she’s approached by Danny Briggs, who uses a copy of one of Jessica’s books to identify her.

He offers to buy her half of the music hall.

Jessica’s telling him that this conversation is premature is interrupted by Fielding, who then brings her to his car, where to Jessica’s astonishment, Emma is waiting for her in the back.

It’s a little strange that she’s dressed in mourning for herself, but in any event on this bombshell we fade to black and go to commercial.

Had you been watching in 1985, you might have seen a commercial like this:

When we get back, Jessica and Emma are talking in the back of the car as Fielding drives them to the hotel where Jessica will be staying. Emma explains that someone is trying to kill her. The first attempt was two weeks ago—her gas heater blew up right after she got home from church. The following Sunday evening, the rug at the top of the stairs was loose. And this past Saturday, someone tried to run her down right outside of the theatre.

Jessica is incredulous and insists that Emma must go to the police. When Emma refuses, they go to the flat Fielding rented to hide Emma in and discuss the case. When that turns up nothing, Jessica says that she wants to go to the police, saying that she knows a guy.

When Jessica gets to Scotland Yard, though, it turns out that Inspector Kyle is on holiday. (Jessica knew him from Paint Me a Murder.) Instead, Jessica gets Inspector Crimmins:

He’s available to help Jessica because the new superintendent is trying to force him into early retirement by giving him a light and very boring workload. In fact, he’s dying for the opportunity to do something interesting, so he leaps at the opportunity to help.

When he asks if Jessica has stumbled in here with a murder, she replies, “Not exactly. At least, not yet.”

We then cut to the memorial service the next day.

Jessica makes quite a stir when she enters as people think they’re seeing a ghost, but that’s quickly cleared up. After some minor conversations, Inspector Crimmins shows up and asks for everyone’s attention. He carries the news that Emma’s body has been recovered from the beach, and he needs Jessica to come identify the body. Fielding requests that he be allowed to make the identification and to spare Jessica the ordeal, which the inspector readily agrees to. They head off, leaving Jessica behind.

In Emma’s dressing room, Bridget catches Jessica going through everything and begins complaining about what she may or may not have been left in Emma’s will. Jessica tries to pump Bridget for information about the accidents, but she doesn’t get anything we don’t already know. We do get the cute line, though, about Archie’s wife, Violet, “Now, there’s one who’d make Lady Macbeth seem like a flower girl.”

Jessica then interrupts Oliver rehearsing for an audition. The dialog doesn’t reveal much other than how protective Kitty is of him. Jessica’s manner is also a bit odd—she’s her usual cheerful self and seems to forget that she’s supposed to be in mourning. She doesn’t even bother with mourning clothes.

Outside, Oliver tells Kitty that he wants to go to the audition alone, and Kitty relents, saying that she’ll go to a travel agents and book an inn in Brighton for next weekend so they can get away.

The scene then changes to Jessica having dinner with inspector Crimmins. During the conversation, Jessica suggests that they take a look at the Chelsea road flat. Crimmins agrees and when they get there they see a figure in Emma’s coat walking out the front door. When she gets to the road, she’s run over by a yellow sports car.

Jessica and Crimmins rush over and, turning over the body, discover that it’s Bridgit O’Hara in Emma’s leopard coat.

She’s dead.

And on that bombshell, we fade to black and go to commercial.

When we come back from commercial, inspector Crimmins calls Mr. Fielding and tells him that the deception has gone far enough and Emma needs to come in to Scotland Yard as soon as possible.

So they do. Or at least say that they will.

In Scotland Yard, Archie Weems runs into Jessica as she’s waiting in a corridor. He asks if the rumors he heard from a friend on the force are true, that Emma is still alive. Jessica confirms and and when Archie asks what’s going on, instead of directly answering, she gives us a bit of exposition: Bridgit was wearing Emma’s coat, and in the darkness the killer probably thought that Bridgit was Emma. Archie asks if it was Emma’s leopard coat and says that explains it—it was well known that Emma promised that coat to Bridgit and Bridgit probably figured to make good on that promise before the lawyers started mucking things up.

For some reason Jessica and Crimmins then go to Emma’s flat to talk to her. Perhaps they didn’t build a big enough Scotland Yard set and this saved money. Anyway, the interview with Emma happens in Emma’s temporary flat.

After a bit of rehashing of what we already know for the benefit of Emma and Fielding, Jessica asks the obvious question: why did the killer assume that Bridget in Emma’s coat was Emma, seeing as how everyone believed that Emma was dead?

After a bit of subtle finger-pointing at Emma, Emma confesses that she called Oliver and left a message on his answering machine since he seemed so poorly.

This causes as much general dismay as you might expect, with Crimmins saying that while Oliver wouldn’t have hurt her, he might have let the secret slip to someone who would have. When Jessica points out that this might be premature since they didn’t know whether Oliver even heard the message, Crimmins says that it’s time for them to pay Oliver a visit.

(Also, he’s going to post a 24 hour surveillance on Emma.)

Over at the theatre, Danny Briggs meets with Archie at his request. He informs Danny that Emma is still alive, and it was a stunt because it “seems someone’s been trying to put her away.” Danny protests his innocence, but Archie says he draws the line at murder. Danny replies, “So do I, Archie.”

Over at Oliver Trumbull’s apartment, Jessica and Crimmins listen to his answering machine. There are two messages on it. The second is from a director saying that they’re prettymuch cast but if he wants to pop around to the director’s hotel (the Cumberland) at around 9, he’ll have a look at him. They have to rewind to get to the first, which is Emma’s message. It doesn’t give any details, just lets him know she’s alive and will be in danger if he tells anyone.

They track Oliver down to his audition for the part of Falstaff. Oliver chews the scenery with a ferocity that would do credit to any beaver, but the director isn’t impressed and thanks him for his time when he forgets his lines. This causes him to sputter in rage, and the director angrily replies that he begged the director for an audition at his hotel last night and when he (Oliver) does this badly he (Oliver) should have the courtesy to let the director go without having to sit through more of it. (Not precisely in those words.)

When Oliver runs into Jessica, he apologizes that she saw that and, weirdly, Jessica replies, “Oh, Mr. Trumbull, the embarrassment was not yours, believe me.” His daughter, Kitty, adds to this “You were magnificent.”

In fact, he most certainly was not magnificent, and the embarrassment was all his.

Anyway, Jessica asks if there’s someplace to talk and Oliver invites her to a nearby pub. There, she breaks the news that Emma is alive and Bridget is dead. She also explains the reason for the deception—that someone has been trying to kill her. Oliver demands to see her immediately and gets quite upset when Jessica says no. She then challenges him, saying that she’s surprised that this is news to him since she telephoned him late yesterday.

Trumbull says that he didn’t hear it because he didn’t go home. He camped out all night at the director’s hotel. Kitty said she found him around 12:30 in the lobby, half awake, a room key dangling from his pocket. (He booked a room because it was the only way to get a drink after 11pm.)

Jessica replies that this can’t be true, though, because the message from the director saying to meet him at the hotel lobby was after the message from Emma, so he couldn’t have heard the one without hearing the other.

At this, Inspector Crimmins emerges from the shadows saying, “My thoughts precisely,” and arrests Oliver. Oliver looks at Kitty, who looks at Jessica, and then we fade to black and go to commercial.

When we get back, Oliver is being interrogated at Soctland Yard. There, Oliver explains that he overheard the director’s secretary book a table for him in the Cumberland hotel dining room, which is how he knew to go there without having heard the message. Trumbull says that the porter and concierge should remember him being there from 7:30 until past 11, since he was paged for a phone call from his daughter.

Unfortunately for him, while the porter and concierge remember him and they remember the phone call, they don’t remember the times for any of that.

Jessica and Kitty are waiting outside of the interrogation room and Fielding and Crimmins come out and Fielding informs Kitty that her father will be formally charged on the morrow. Kitty objects that this is impossible because she phoned him at the hotel at 8:00 and there’s no way he could be in two places at once. Crimmins replies that the concierge confirmed the phone call, but at 9:00, not 8:00.

Outside of Emma’s flat, the plainclothes officer conducting surveillance is distracted by a car crash.

Given that the guy whose car was driven into is Archie Weems, it seems likely that this is a set-up. And, indeed, it is. Danny Briggs takes the opportunity to pop up to Emma’s flat unobserved. He gets Emma to open the door by knocking and announcing himself as “Constable Boyles” in a hoarse voice.

Inside, he demands that she sign the papers selling the music hall, but Jessica and Inspector Crimmins arrive on the scene and when they call through the locked door, Briggs tried to flee out the window. He doesn’t make it, though, because Emma hits him on the back of the head with a flower pot.

The Inspector and Jessica come in and Inspector Crimmins congratulates Emma on a nice bit of work. Jessica is not so thrilled, though. Briggs isn’t the culprit, but Jessica knows who is.

Over at the theatre, Oliver and Jessica walk in, with Oliver thanking Jessica for arranging his release. Oliver then reminisces about how he’s “trod these boards” for seventeen years, and back then it was grand.

(Given that 17 years before 1985 was 1968, I do have to wonder how accurate this is—did people really enjoy terrible jokes and “Goodbye, little yellow bird, I’d gladly mate with thee” in 1968? Beetlemania started in 1963, so I have my doubts about how popular this stuff that was old-timey in the 1940s would have been in the late 1960s. Honestly, even the nostalgic aspect is a bit too short—when you’re in your sixties, seventeen years ago feels more like “just yesterday” than “a long time ago”.)

Kitty comes in and is overjoyed by seeing her father free. Jessica puts a damper on this by accusing Kitty of the murder. Jessica then runs through the evidence. First, all of the attempts on Emma’s life being on weekends suggests someone who was only here on weekends. But the real clincher is Kitty’s phone call to the hotel. There was no way she could have known to call him at the hotel unless she had heard the message on his answering machine, which would have meant that she also heard Emma’s message. She had no way of knowing about the temporary flat, so she drove to Emma’s house on Chelsea Road and waited.

Kitty angrily admits it to get Jessica to stop talking. Oliver is confused and hurt and asks Kitty why. Kitty says

She was destroying you, Dad. Or couldn’t you see it? You were so magnificent with a God-given gift that you—you prostituted to become a second-rate music hall comic. You couldn’t break away. Every year, you got weaker and more dependent while I stood there and watched. You couldn’t help yourself, Dad. But I could. Don’t you see? I had to kill her… for you.

She begins weeping and her father comforts her, and we freeze frame and go to credits.

Gimmick episodes were almost never good episodes of TV series and this episode is no exception. I don’t know who thought that “let’s give Jessica an English cousin who looks exactly like her” was a good idea—well, that’s not quite true. It was almost certainly Angela Lansbury who thought it was a good idea because she wanted to do an English accent. She seemed to love roles that gave her the opportunity to over-act, and if she could do an accent at the same time, all the better. But I never read her claiming credit, so technically what I said was right. I don’t know who thought it was a good idea.

The direction in this episode was really strange, too, though it is generally consistent with other episodes—whenever Murder, She Wrote depicts great acting on stage, it’s always the most scenery-chewing over-acting you’ve ever seen. A termite genetically engineered to be the size of a dog and hyped up on cocaine could not chew the scenery with more vim and vigor. What’s even weirder is that the acting performances on stage are usually quite bad even apart from being overdone. I know Angela Lansbury can act well, and I assume that the bloke who played Oliver Trumbull can, too. Yet on stage, like Nigel Tufnell in This is Spinal Tap, he dials it up to 11. Except here that’s the starting point, and he just turns it up from there.

As far as the mystery goes… it’s given short shrift. How did Kitty manage to sabotage Emma’s gas cooker or the rug on her stairs? We never get so much as a speculation. The running over of people with cars is easy enough, though how Kitty did it in two different cars is never explained.

The one thing I think the episode does have going for it is Kitty’s motive for murder—a massive over-estimation of her father’s talent. It does make a certain sort of sense that being that disconnected from reality bleeds over into bad problem-solving, too. Since she thought her father amazing while he was actually terrible, she needed some kind of explanation for the discrepancy between what she “knew” him to be and how everyone reacted to him. Localizing that into a single point that means destroying someone will fix all of her problems is exactly the kind of thing that human beings often do.

Oh well. Next week we’re in an undisclosed location that contains the mansion of one of Jessica’s man rich friends for Reflections of the Mind.