Murder She Wrote: Goodbye, Charlie

On the seventh day of January in the year of our Lord 1990, the twelfth episode of the sixth season of Murder, She Wrote aired. Titled Good-Bye, Charlie, it is Jessica telling us the plot of her latest book. And, oh my, is it bad. It’s so bad. It’s how-is-she-a-famous-author bad.

I’ll get to the beginning of the novel in a moment, but first I just want to mention the framing story:

Well, it’s not really a story. It’s Jessica just talking directly to us, the audience. She begins with, “Oh, hello,” after looking up from her typewriter. The basic idea is that the TV is actually a magic portal into Jessica’s house, because that’s the only thing that would explain her being surprised by its appearance. There’s no possible way to be surprised by a TV camera—they’re enormous things, and the various lights to get professional lighting can’t be snuck in either. For reference, here’s a TV camera from another episode:

Can you imagine that thing being wheeled in by a crew so discreetly Jessica don’t notice it until she looked up? Neither can I. Which makes me wonder why she’s not surprised by the magic portal that just appeared in her kitchen. Does it follow her around in the regular episodes, too, and she just pretends that it’s not there?

Anyway, Jessica tells us that every novel is an adventure and when she begins she has no idea what it will be like. Some are pure agony. Others just flow from the typewriter like sap from a maple tree. (Which is an odd metaphor because it would mean very slowly, only in early spring, and still mostly water that needs to be boiled down considerably before it can be sold.) That’s how it was with Goodbye, Charlie. She wishes that they were all this much fun to write.

This is an interesting setup because it offers the viewer a bit of a taste of what it’s like to write a novel without any of the work. It is, certainly, true that novels can be fun to write, but the odd thing here is that it’s a really bad novel (just trust me on this part right now—it will become obvious soon enough). In fact, it feels a bit like a lesser NaNoWriMo novel—if you’re not familiar, National Novel Writing Month is where one writes a 50,000 word novel in a month, and the (for most) break-neck speed means that one pushes on no matter how bad it is at the moment in order to get a first draft done by the end of the month. (The month is November, by the way.) While it’s a bad way to get a finished draft, it’s actually a really good writing exercise that I highly recommend for people who find writing a novel alluring but intimidating, and have no objection to hard work. I also recommend the book No Plot, No Problem by Chris Baty as an introduction to it. But while NaNoWriMo is a great way to write a first draft, especially when you don’t have the discipline to write a first draft without community support, it’s a horrible way to write a finished novel. And Goodbye, Charlie is supposed to be a finished novel.

Anyway, back to the novel: it begins with an establishing shot of the Hollywood sign…

…and then it pans down to the car in the title screen driving along, as an instrumental version of the song Hooray for Hollywood plays in the background. But I’d like to pause a moment on that song. It comes from a 1937 movie called Hollywood Hotel.

It’s a comedy about a musician who goes to Hollywood and falls in love with a woman who doubles as a famous actress, and the various strange things that happen as he ends up doing the singing for the actress’s boyfriend and eventually gets recognized in his own right. I don’t know that anyone actually cares about the movie, but the song has had tremendous sticking power. It’s mostly played as an instrumental, but the lyrics are a lot of fun:

Hooray for Hollywood
That screwy ballyhooey Hollywood
Where any office boy or young mechanic
Can be a panic
With just a good looking pan
And any barmaid
Can be a star maid
If she dances with or without a fan

Hooray for Hollywood
Where you’re terrific if you’re even good
Where anyone at all from Shirley Temple
To Aimee Semple
Is equally understood
Go out and try your luck
You might be Donald Duck
Hooray for Hollywood

Hooray for Hollywood
That phoney super-Coney Hollywood
They come from Chillicothes and Paducas
With their bazookas
To get their names up in lights
All armed with photos
From local rotos
With their hair in ribbon and legs in tights

Hooray for Hollywood
You may be homely in your neighborhood
But if you think that you can be an actor
See Mr. Factor
He’ll make a monkey look good
Within a half an hour
You’ll look like Tyrone Power
Hooray for Hollywood

The lyrics did a good job of capturing the insanity of the movie business; I would not be surprised if this is part of why the song caught on.

What I’m not sure of is why it’s in this episode. The episode does, technically, begin in Hollywood, but it quickly moves to a small town in Nevada and nothing in the episode has anything to do with show business. The main character is an incompetent private detective.

How incompetent is he?

When he photographs the husband of his client cheating, he runs up to the man and his mistress and takes the photo from eight feet away…

… and then stands there while the much older man walks over, beats him up, and takes the camera.

He then goes back to his apartment with a torn shirt and bloody lip, where he finds his wife talking with a lawyer:

The lawyer is there to find out about the private detective’s uncle, Charlie, but the detective (I’m going to call him Bill after the actor, Bill Maher, even though the character does technically have a name) hears some cheesy dialog meant to sound like the lawyer and Bill’s wife are having sex. It’s not convincing; it doesn’t even really plausibly sound like they’re having sex. Really, it’s just a dumb joke but for some reason Bill calls out like he might be interrupting something inappropriate.

Sunny (Bill’s wife) cheerfully tells him to come into their room and explains she was showing the lawyer some of their memorabilia of his uncle Charlie. The lawyer then explains that an old girlfriend of Uncle Charlie’s left him her entire fortune, which is considerable. As an executor of the will, he’s trying to locate Charlie.

Unfortunately, Bill has no idea where he was. About five years ago, Uncle Charlie dropped in for a weekend and stayed for three years, without contributing anything to the household budget. About two years ago Bill gave Uncle Charlie $100 and put him on a bus to Nevada and hasn’t heard from him since. They got a couple of Christmas cards from him, the last one with a return address in Reno, but when Sunny sent him a card it came back with “Not Known At This Address”.

When Bill says that for all they know Uncle Charlie is dead by now the lawyer replies that it’s a pity that he can’t prove it, since as Charlie’s only living relative he’d inherit the fortune. On that, he leaves and Bill starts laughing. Sunny asks him why he’s laughing and we go back to Jessica, who explains the joke: for three years they supported Uncle Charlie and now he’s rich and they’re facing repossession and eviction.

Perhaps “explains,” was a bit strong. Jessica said some words which were, if looked at in the right way, related to what we just saw.

Anyway, Jessica also tells us that Bill’s client didn’t fire him, so we cut back to Bill sitting in his car, staking out the same motel, when he notices something in his newspaper:

Then Bill got an idea. An awful idea. Bill got a wonderful, awful idea.

He also gets spotted by the person he’s supposed to be following, and as the guy is about to beat him up again, blinds him with a flash photograph and drives off.

Now, the thing is, you don’t get the full picture (no pun intended) of how stupid this is without seeing the frame immediately before this:

There are, of course, less appropriate cameras he could have brought to this stakeout. He could have used one of those old-timey cameras where the photographer put a cloth over his head and manually ignited flash powder, for example. Or a pinhole camera made from a shoebox. Or he could have forgone the camera entirely and brought along a sketch pad.

But short of something like that, this is about the least appropriate camera to bring to a stakeout during the day one could imagine. It has a tiny lens for taking wide-angle shots and an absolutely enormous flash with a parabolic collector dish to focus the light onto a subject. At the time, he’d have been able to buy a used camera with a used telephoto lens for under $200 ($492 in 2025 dollars). That’s significantly less than the fees he’d have paid to become a private investigator, and a camera with a good telephoto lens is the primary tool of his trade.

However, you still don’t get just how stupid this is until you look at the frame immediately after the one with the flash, which shows the picture he took:

He didn’t even get the woman in frame.

Bill then drives off, tires squealing, and the scene shifts to him showing his wife the newspaper article about the unclaimed body. The body was found in Huckabee, Nevada, which is about fifty miles east of Reno, where Uncle Charlie’s last Christmas card was from. Bill doesn’t think this actually was Uncle Charlie, of course, but since no one has come forward to claim the body, this is a great opportunity to claim it as Uncle Charlie, which would make Uncle Charlie legally dead, and then they can inherit the money which Uncle Charlie recently inherited. Sun (Bill’s wife) is reluctant, but Bill eventually talks her into it with some specious arguments about how this is somehow honoring the real Uncle Charlie, wherever he (presumably? maybe? technically it’s not impossible that he?) dropped dead.

In the framing story, back in the beginning, Jessica said, “Our hero… Well, now let me see, is Hero the right word? Maybe not. I promise you, he’s not very heroic.” She sure wasn’t kidding!

Truth to tell, I’m really not sure why we’re reading about Bill at all. So far, he has no redeeming characteristics that make him interesting, and the only way for him to not fail is by the author giving him plot armor. And he deserves to fail, so I resent Jessica giving him plot armor. It makes the story (even) less enjoyable.

There’s then a small fakeout where we think that Bill and Sun have gone to Huckabee, Nevada:

Except inside we meet this character (his name is Lon Ainsley; he’s the coroner’s assistant):

and hear the phone ring.

It turns out that Bill and Sun are taking turns making calls, pretending to be various people, to “try” to identify the body over the phone. In reality, they’re collecting information about it (height, weight, eye color, etc) with each wrong guess because the coroner’s assistant tells them what they got wrong on each attempt. This is the one (marginally) clever thing which happens in this episode.

After a bunch of physical characteristics about the body and a variety of regional accents from Bill and Sunny, we finally conclude with a description that was pretty accurate and when Bill asks Sunny how she got such a good description of the corpse, she replies, “I was describing Uncle Charlie.” And on that bombshell, we fade to black and go to commercial.

Had you been watching in 1990, you might have seen a commercial like this:

When we come back, we see Jessica at her typewriter again.

She explains that, having pumped the coroner’s office dry, Bill and Sunny head off to claim the corpse. Though with the ominous warning, in Jessica’s words, “unaware that they were about to lock horns with Huckabee’s unique version of law and order.” (The Sheriff’s name is Ed Ten Eyck, and in spite of this warning, he seems to be the best character in the episode.)

There’s some interesting banter where Bill has a crick in his back from having slept in the car because the motel was closed. The Sheriff laughs and says that ol’ Roscoe believes in “early to bed, early to rise” because anyone sneaking into town at night is up to no good. He’s clearly suspicious of them as he should be, because Bill is as believable as three-dollar bill.

He then tells them that their identification of the corpse was excellent. The Sheriff asks them why “he”Uncle Charlie” was near the train tracks in Huckabee and Bill spins a story about how Uncle Charlie became a hobo during the great depression and went back to his old way of life, but in his old age he couldn’t hop into freight trains as well as he could in his youth and it cost him his life.

The Sheriff asks some questions about why the guy who died didn’t have identification, or in fact anything at all in his pockets. “A man usually has something in his pockets.” He obviously doesn’t believe them, which shows good sense on his part since they’re obviously lying. Sunny seems uncomfortable but Bill just brazens it out, making him even more despicable.

When they try to get going, they find out that they’re not the first people to lay claim to John Doe. Nor the second, in fact. They’re the third.

The scene then shifts tot he Huckabee Motel:

We stay on this sign a while in order to facilitate a joke: Bill moans lines like “Oh! oh, Sunny, that is so good.” and “Oh, yeah, right there. Oh, don’t stop! Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.”

She is, of course, giving him a massage.

Which was a joke so obvious that it was actually a bit painful.

Anyway, Sunny suggests that they just go home but Bill is determined to see it through. His logic is that, since at least one of the other people who have identified the body must be wrong, the odds are that both of them are wrong. Or, rather, he says that they’re both lying—he doesn’t explain the stretch from wrong to lying. On the other hand, liars normally assume everyone else is lying, too, so this is at least realistic, even if it’s not very sensible.

Bill then goes to a bar to see a man whose name he read upside-down on the sheriff’s desk.

His name is Bart Mahoney and he’s a sleazy lawyer who’s representing one of the claimants—Marcia Mae. She’s the daughter of Ole Roper, who Bart identified the corpse as. Somehow he concludes that Bill—who identified himself as a private investigator—is working for the railroad and explains how he is intending to sue because a railroad crossing light was out. For no discernible reason Bill plays along and claims that there was a bell as well as the light, but Bart counters that Roper was deaf from an old rodeo injury.

I really have no idea why any of this is happening. It’s not meant to be funny, but it’s also not useful information since we know that the corpse is almost certainly not, in fact, Ole Roper. And if it was Ole Roper, this would be pointlessly sleazy behavior on Bill’s part.

Back at the hotel, Bill tries to whine about Bart Mahoney but Sunny tells him that he needs a “nap” and starts kissing him. Just as she pulls him down on top of her, the phone rings and for some reason Bill picks it up. It’s the Sheriff. Bart called him—we’re not told why on earth he Bart called him—and the Sheriff, who doesn’t seem all that happy with Bill, wants him to come down to his office in 10 minutes because, “I want you to meet a little lady that might be a kin of yours.”

The potential “kin” is Tilly Bascomb:

Tilly identified the corpse as her husband Mort. Which, if these are the same person, would make her Bill’s Aunt Tilly. Which I don’t think has the slightest bit of plausibility, but then I don’t think the Sheriff believes any of the claimants to the corpse and is a wee bit annoyed that everyone is lying to him.

In fact, this reminds me of the refrain in the theme song of much later (comedic) detective TV show called Psych, in which a detective who is very good at observation and deduction pretends to be a psychic to get the police to take him seriously (he named his pyschic consulting business, whose services the police sometimes employ, Psych):

I know, you know,
that I’m not telling the truth.
I know, you know,
they just don’t have any proof.

The Sheriff then asks them to pull out photos of their respective loved ones, which they then compare. First we see Tilly’s husband Mort…

…who looks way too old to be Tilly’s husband.

Then we see Uncle Charlie…

…from thirty years ago, and blurry.

I’ve got no idea what the point of this comparison was.

They then bicker for a while until Tilly suggests that her husband would have had his wallet while going on a midnight walk to deal with his insomnia and perhaps the train knocked the wallet out of his pocket. Bill then suggests that they comb the area to see if they can find the wallet and the Sheriff then says his Deputy already has and didn’t find anything. He can’t spare the manpower to search again.

Bill then asks if Huckabee has a “pony league baseball team” and suggests employing them to do the search.

(“Pony League” is a youth baseball and softball league—PONY is actually an acronym which stands for Protect Our Nation’s Youth. They cover ages 4 through 23 in 2-year age brackets.)

The Sheriff seems to like this suggestion and says that he’ll have the kids turn out and sunup.

Bill and Sunny then go at night and plant a bunch of Uncle Charlie’s stuff along the railroad tracks. This is so stupid and obvious that I’m surprised that the Sheriff didn’t turn up to catch them. I blame Jessica for that not happening.

Anyway, we then fade to black and go to commercial.

When we get back, Jessica is fixing something she typed with her pencil.

Jessica’s description of where we are in the plot is:

Well, having salted the railroad tracks with Uncle Charlie’s last few remaining possessions, Frank approached the following morning’s search with ill-concealed enthusiasm. His joy was short-lived. The Huckabee Hornets had problems hitting the curve ball and the fastball, and they weren’t all that good at judging pop-ups. They were definitely not very good at finding the obvious.

Here, by the way, is them searching next to the railroad tracks:

Shortly after this, some guy who is very familiar with Tilly drives up and tries to convince her to go home.

Bill asks the Sheriff who he is and the Sheriff identifies him as her cousin, Jerry Wilbur. He works for her husband’s microchip company.

After a shot of the sun to establish the passage of time and the heat of Nevada, the lawer, Bart Mahoney drives up and objects to the search. His client then gets out of the car. We start with her feet as some sexy saxophone music plays, then the camera slowly pans up her legs:

I’d love to know how Jessica described this in her book.

Slowly, a woman’s legs come out of the car. They’re not wearing much besides four inch stiletto heels in blue velvet and bobby socks. A few feet up from the bobby socks is a tall drink of whiskey in a short skirt.

That’s about the only thing that would match the saxophone music and slow camera work.

However Jessica described it, the camera eventually gets to her face and we finally meet little Marcia Mae.

Sure, why not.

And then the young baseball players finally find something. Or, rather, several things all at once.

Back at the Sheriff’s office the Sheriff examines the stuff with Uncle Charlie’s initials. Also the dog tags with his name on them.

The Sheriff then examines the stuff in his own pockets, details each item to Bill and Sunny, and explains, “I was just wondering how many things I had in my pockets with my initials on them. The answer is none.”

After pointing out again that it’s funny that his deputies didn’t find any of this stuff when they looked, he shakes his head and tells them to go to Jack Yomoto, the coroner, to claim the body. Which they do.

I do enjoy the magazine which Sunny glanced at while waiting as Bill signed some paperwork:

I think that my favorite is “angosteric myanthesis.” It sounds convincingly like real medical words. (It’s completely fake, there’s no such thing as “angosteric myanthesis.”)

On their way out, the death certificate in hand, they run into the Sheriff. He got a call from the Sheriff in a neighboring town who brought in a vagrant the night before. It seems that the vagrant had found an expensive-looking wallet with $200 in it. He says he found it hear the railroad track near Huckabee right after the accident. The driver’s license inside was for Mort Bascomb.

The Sheriff then arrests Bill. (I cheered.)

In the cell in the Sheriff’s office, Bill meets a man who’s stuffing paper into a new pair of white shoes:

The man’s name is Clarence, and you can tell from the way he speaks he’s not quite all there in the head, if you know what I mean.

The stuffing paper into his shoes makes Bill think about the body and he gets an idea, which he excitedly tells the Sheriff. Bill’s idea is that had the corpse been knocked out of his shoes, they’d have been 100 yards down the track, not laying beside him. Presumably, the shoes were left next to him to make it look like he was walking down the track and weren’t put on the body because they didn’t fit. (He is guessing that the man was killed elsewhere and placed on the track shortly before the train came, which was when the killer noticed that the victim was in bare feet and so tried to put his own shoes on the victim.)

The Sheriff considers this plausible enough to try, so he goes to the morgue, where they try the shoes on the corpse.

Yamoto says, “He’s right. The shoe’s too small. It was murder.”

And on that bombshell, we go to commercial.

When we get back, Bill has been released from jail for some reason and is interviewing the bartender in the bar where he (Bill) first met Bart Mahoney. It turns out that tending bar is not the only thing that the bartender does. He also owns himself a little grocery store, and Marcia Mae does herself all her shopping there.

And it turns out that Marcia Mae always bought Mexican beer and chewing tobacco for her daddy, in addition to the food she would buy for them, and just yesterday she came in and bought just as much as ever. (Strongly suggesting that Roper is as alive as he always was.)

Bill takes this information to the Sheriff (along with an over-sized receipt from the grocery store for what Marcia Mae bought that includes her charge number, signature, and probably a notarized sworn statement from a dozen witnesses). The Sheriff points out that if he finds Ole Roper Bailey in little Marcia Mae’s attic, it means she had no reason to kill John Doe. Bill agrees and says that it leaves the widow Bascomb.

Bill suggests that Tilly and her husband weren’t getting along and she would lose too much in a divorce settlement, so she and her cousin may have done him in. The Sheriff thinks this is sufficiently plausible that he goes to see Tilly at her house, along with his two deputies, and Bill and Sunny for some reason that is never explained, probably because it couldn’t possibly be explained, just like why Bill isn’t still in jail because falsifying evidence to support a fraudulent claim to a corpse doesn’t cease to be a crime just because the corpse became a corpse by murder rather than accidentally death.

Anyway, they all bust into Tilly’s bedroom.

When she orders the sheriff to leave her bedroom, she wakes her cousin, who was sleeping beside her.

When the Sheriff asks them whose idea murdering Tilly’s husband was, the cousin shakes his head and says, “I told you we wouldn’t get away with this! Didn’t I tell you that?”

Unfortunately for the investigation of John Doe, it turns out that they buried Mort in the back yard.

Back at the Sheriff’s office, the Sheriff tells Bill that Bill is the only claimant left and he’s sick and tired of John Doe, so if Bill wants him, he can have him. He’s still got strong doubts that it’s actually their uncle Charlie, but they did give the best description and it will save the county the expense of a burial.

Bill, ever the man of principle, immediately accepts.

The Sheriff adds that he suggests a brief ceremony and a quick departure, and that they should be sure to shut the door on their way out.

Back at their apartment, they of course run into their Uncle Charlie, who already found out about his inheritance and is now wearing fancy clothes and is in the company of a fluzie.

Her name is Doreen and she’s actually his wife.

We then go back to Jessica for an epilogue, since the mystery of who John Doe actually was is still completely unresolved.

Jessica explains that, three days later, an ad appeared in local newspapers all over the country. It was offering a reward of $100,000:

…for information regarding the whereabouts of Jason T. Rucker, President of Santa Carmela Savings and Loan, who disappeared on June 4th, one day prior to a scheduled audit by state banking officials. Rucker was 66 years old, grey haired, heavyset, about 5’10”, last seen wearing a brown windbreaker, tan slacks, and white oxford shoes. Also wanted for questioning is the man Rucker was last seen with, identified as a freight-train hopping hobo named Clarence Dobkin.

The Sheriff (who read this aloud for us) then sits back in his chair, laughs, and we go to credits.

Well… that sure was an episode.

It is really hard to believe that Jessica is a famous author if this is the kind of book she writes. Murder in a Minor Key was bad enough, but at least it was a murder mystery and had a few likable characters. This had no likable characters and wasn’t even a murder mystery!

The problems start from the very beginning. Jessica tells us that the novel is set in Hollywood, but it isn’t. It’s actually set in Huckabee, Nevada. We get a bunch of setup of Hollywood for no reason.

The worst has got to be Bill Mahr’s character, though. This is just an awful character. He’s dishonest, incompetent, unlikable, and not bright. The one moment of insight that he has is way too late and also mostly wrong. Jessica is even upfront that he’s not a hero. But he’s not an anti-hero, either. He’s just a schmuck who we’re following for no discernible reason. Why on earth are we supposed to care about the stupid scam that a stupid man is pulling incompetently and without anything amusing like extreme luck?

I will get into specifics soon, but the biggest problem is that there’s absolutely nothing good about this story. There’s no reason to sit through any of the bad parts. So the rest is kind of academic. But, I’m going to go through it anyway, because somehow this was actually made into a TV episode and shown to millions of people, and to my knowledge no one resigned in shame or ritually disemboweled themselves to apologize for it.

If I really had to guess, this premise is supposed to be funny. But the problem is that watching an idiot be an idiot isn’t funny. Worse, there are only stakes in the episode if we care about the idiot succeeding at his immoral quest for money because he’s worse at his job than he has any right to be. This means that we’re supposed to be rooting for an unsatisfying ending—because a satisfying ending would involve the main character getting what he deserves, which in this case means the idiot suffering for his idiocy.

It’s actually quite hard to analyze the plot of this episode because it’s really just a series of events. It’s reminds me a lot of the famous talk on plotting by Trey Parker and Matt Stone:

The tl;dw is that if you write out the beats of your story, the connecting words should be either “therefore” or “but”, never “and then”. In this episode, the connecting words were usually, “and then”.

Bill Mahr is incompetent at his job, and then a lawyer walks in and says he will inherit money if his uncle Charlie is dead. And then Bill spots a news article about an unclaimed corpse. And then he decided to pretend it’s his uncle Charlie. And then he calls the coroner a hundred times and gets a good description of the body. And then they go to claim the body. But there are other claimants. And then Bill goes and talks to one of them. And then the Sheriff introduces Bill to another. And then Bill decides to plant evidence that it was his uncle Charlie, therefore he proposes having the pony league baseball team search for the clues he will plant. And then they find the clues and then Bill gets the corpse and then a wallet is found and then Bill is arrested and then Bill gets an idea about shoes, therefore they test the idea and it turns out the shoes don’t fit and then Bill is let out of jail for some reason and then Bill is told that Roper Bailey isn’t dead and then Bill suggests that maybe Tilly killed her husband and then the Sheriff and half the town barge into Tilly’s bedroom and then Tilly’s cousin is there and then Tilly’s cousin confesses to an unrelated murder and then they get the body and then Uncle charlie is still alive and then Jessica remembers that there was a mystery in the story therefore she tells us some story about a random guy we’ve never heard of who ran away from someplace we’ve never heard of for a reason completely unrelated to the story, and then it turns out that the shoes didn’t fit the dead guy because they actually belonged to a hobo who had stolen the dead man’s shoes after the train him him.

(And I think a few of those “therefores” were generous.)

Every mystery series will naturally have uneven quality—none of us are perfect, so we can’t always produce our best work—but this one is just outright baffling. It’s outright terrible. And it only has a murder in the most trivial sense—the murder and the solution are discovered in the same sentence.

I think I’d have preferred a clip-job episode.

And something I really can’t figure out is why the writers put the least work into the episodes which featured stories that Jessica supposedly wrote. I’ve gained a whole new appreciation for the characters in other episodes who tell Jessica that her books were bad. It turns out, those are the people with decent taste of a modicum of sound judgement.

This is particularly baffling because the format of Jessica telling us about her book would allow the writers to make her books seem way better than they actually were. This format would allow Jessica to give us a highlight reel, and to skip over difficult-to-write sections with a general description of them. Things like “a bit of smooth talking allowed him to find out that…” is so much easier to write than the actual smooth-talking. A bunch of pain-staking finding of clues that is not easy to make interesting on the page can be summarized with a list of the clues and a mention of how difficult it was to find them.

The general rule in fiction is “show, don’t tell” but the one major exception one gets to that, as a writer, is when people are giving summaries because there’s too much to tell. If you can say, as Inigo Montoya did, “Let me explain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up,” then you can get away with telling instead of showing, and the audience will be inclined to take you at your word. Then you just have to make damn sure that everything you do show is compatible with what you told, and the emotional impact will be similar. It can’t be the same, but it can be a heck of a lot more than you can achieve in a regular episode.

Telling an awful story, instead, is such a wasted opportunity.

Murder She Wrote: Funeral At Fifty Mile

On the twenty first day of April in the year of our Lord 1985, the twenty first episode of the first season of Murder, She Wrote aired. Also the last episode of the first season in was set in Wyoming and titled Funeral at Fifty Mile. (Last week’s episode was Murder At the Oasis.)

As the title screen establishes, Wyoming is a beautiful place. This helps to establish a bit of a golden-age mystery feel, since the beauty of the land will contrast with the ugliness of murder.

Right after the first establishing shot we we get another:

On the left we have an ancient Chevy truck driving by, which gives us the sense of a land where things move more slowly. On the right we have a sign that tells us we’re in a small town in Wyoming. A town so small, in fact, that they publish the population down to the individual. Not only are there not that many people, but the number doesn’t change so often that it’s expensive to change it when it does. (Though sometimes such signs simply reflect the population at the last census.)

After this we fade to a funeral where the preacher gives some useful introductions in his closing remarks. First is the deceased’s beloved daughter, Mary Carver:

Standing next to her is her fiance, Art Merrick.

Also is the deceased’s younger brother:

His name is Timothy Carver.

Also mentioned are Jack’s close and inseparable friends.

Doc Wallace:

Sam Breen:

and Bill Carmody:

(If you recognize William Windom, the actor playing Sam Breen, you probably know him as Jessica’s friend Doc Hazlett. That starts in the second season of Murder, She Wrote. Right now her close friend is Captain Ethan Craig, though we haven’t seen him in a while.)

After these closing remarks we find out that the deceased’s name is John Carver, and he was apparently in the military because his coffin has an American flag draped on it. There’s a brief prayer mentioning ashes to ashes and dust to dust, then a bugle plays a mournful tune.

As the bugle plays, a strange couple drives up in a large RV. They get out and walk up to be relatively near the casket:

We get a little bit of military ceremony—a five gun salute and the flag gets folded and given to Mary—then people begin to disband. The strange man asks Carmody if he’s coming after him with that gun and Carmody replies, sourly, that it would be futile since it’s loaded with blanks. We find out that the man’s name is Carl Mestin and the woman, whose name is Sally, is Carl’s wife.

Shortly after, Jessica is walking with Mary and Art and Mary remarks that it’s strange for Carl Mestin to show up since her father never did business with him and no one around these parts can stand him.

During the conversation it comes up that Jessica is, apparently, an old friend, since she can remember when Mary was born. Well, not the actual birth, but having heard that her mother died in childbirth. “We” were so worried, she says, wondering how jack was going to manage all alone, but he did just fine. In addition to this being awkward exposition, it leaves out the really important part—how was a school teacher in Maine friends with a woman who died in childbirth in Wyoming in the 1950s (or perhaps the early 1960s)?

The scene then fades to the Carver ranch, which we can tell by the establishing shot:

A storm is moving in—we hear the sound of thunder and it forms the subject of conversation inside.

We then meet “Marshall” (actually Sheriff) Ed Potts:

He’s read one of her books: it’s not up there with Mickey Spillane, but darn good for a woman.

I’ve never enjoyed Murder, She Wrote‘s attempts at making fun of sexist police officers and this one makes particularly little sense. While it’s true that Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (basically) created the genre of detective story with Sherlock Holmes, many of the biggest figures in the genre were women. Agatha Christie, Dorothy L. Sayers, and Ngaio Marsh were known as the “Queens of Crime.” Recent reprints of Agatha Christie’s novels often mention that she’s only been outsold by the Bible and Shakespeare. Detective fiction is, as fiction goes, probably the most 50/50 genre you can find. The only way to think that the best detective fiction is all written by males is by knowing nothing about detective fiction. (I suppose if you only like American hard-boiled detective fiction—a genre I dislike and am not sure should even count as detective fiction—this would be more defensible. And he did cite a hard-boiled detective writer. But even so. This is just annoying and dumb.)

In case you’re not familiar with Mickey Spillane—as I wasn’t until I looked him up—he wrote a series of hard-boiled detective novels featuring the detective Mike Hammer. From reading the plot synopsis of his first novel, I, The Jury, the name Mike Hammer is a bit on-the-nose as far as the kind of story it was, so just imagine the kind of story featuring a hard-boiled detective named “Mike Hammer” and you’re probably close enough, especially if you consider the various things “hammer” can be a euphemism for and go with all of them.

Jessica smiles and replies, “Yes, we all struggle under Mickey’s shadow, I suppose.”

The contrast is there for the joke they’re making, but it is very confusing with regard to the character of Marshall Potts. How on earth is a Sheriff who prefers to be called Marshall a fan of Mike Hammer stories? That said, he does immediately afterwards say that he doesn’t really read detective fiction, it’s westerns that have his heart. Like “Coop” in High Noon. (This would be a reference to the actor Gary Cooper in the movie High Noon, where Cooper plays a sheriff who stands alone against a gang of criminals.)

Jessica then says she notices that he wears his holster tied down and asks if this is for quickly drawing his gun. He replies that it is, and that he practices for half an hour every day. There’s a bit more banter where he says that he’s ready for someone to “make my day,” which is a line from the Clint Eastwood movie Sudden Impact, which came out in 1983, only two years before this episode. It’s a strange line to quote for someone who loves westerns, but I guess the point is to portray him as trigger-happy.

There’s also a minor point that Tim (Mary’s uncle) calls his own ranch, which neighbors this one, to make sure that everything is OK—that the ranch hands have everything battened down for the storm, which seems to be there already. That done, Tim brings up to Mary and Sam that he had promised to buy the ranch from Mary after John died, to make her comfortable for the rest of her life. Sam says that he doesn’t doubt that they discussed it, but the fact of the matter is that there is no will. Mary, being his only child, will inherit, but it will take longer to run it through probate than it would have been if there was a will.

This discussion is cut short by a loud honking from outside. Looking out the window, it turns out to be Carl Mestin and his wife. Mary tries to throw him out, but he produces what he claims is a copy of John Carver’s will, leaving everything to him except for a little money for Mary. This does not make Mestin’s reception any friendlier and he antagonizes people until Art Merrick has to be held back from punching him.

Mary asks Jessica why her uncle Tim and the others seem to be afraid of Mestin. Jessica doesn’t have an answer, then the Marshall comes over, warns Art that starting a fight isn’t going to help anything, then gives his condolences to Mary and takes his leave. (This is a very strange thing to do without apology, since an incendiary situation would benefit from his presence to keep things from getting out of hand.)

Jessica then talks to Mestin and remarks that Wyoming is very different than Maine. Back in Maine, she couldn’t imagine a father disinheriting his only daughter. Mestin replies that it probably has something to do with having saved John’s life back in Korea at the Inchon landing. Jessica is surprised at this and asks if he knows her husband, Tom Fletcher. He was Jack’s commanding officer. (She clearly doesn’t believe him and is testing him, since her husband’s name was Frank.)

Mestin thinks and remarks, “Oh yeah, Lt. Fetcher. He’s quite a guy. He’s a good guy.”

He then excuses himself. (In addition to not flinching at the name, Frank Fletcher was a captain, though we won’t learn that for a few more seasons.)

I should note, since I complained about it before, that we do, finally, have an explanation for how Jessica knows any of these people who never seem to have left Wyoming—Jessica’s husband and the deceased had served together in the Air Force.

Later in the afternoon, though it looks like night, after Mary is asleep courtesy of a sedative the doc gave her, her father’s friends are putting on rain coats to help batten the place down in the storm. Carl and his wife are arguing over drinking, with her calling him a lightweight and him saying that he’s not getting into a drinking contest with her. She then brags about having beaten him at an arm wrestling contest and he claims that he let her win. She bets him $500 ($1,505.46 in 2025 dollars) that she can beat him right now. She goads him into the match by accusing him of being too cheap or too chicken to do it, and he accepts. The people who were getting ready to help with tying things down in the storm stop their preparations and watch.

She beats him easily.

I don’t know if this will come up later, but it’s curious that they are arm wrestling left handed. It may come to nothing, of course, but it’s hard to not notice left-handed people in murder mysteries.

It should also be noted that this is very strange behavior of a woman who is supposedly his wife. It seems likely that her being is wife is another of Mestin’s lies. Anyway, he pays up, then goes and joins the people getting things prepared for the storm. As he joins them he asks whether a particular door still needs to be tied down in the wind, suggesting he knows the place.

Later in the day, after the storm has passed, Art comes back to the house having been given a ride by one of the employees named Jesús. Art greets the people inside—everyone from the funeral is still here. They ask where he was and he says that he got the pickup truck stuck in the mud on the way back. After two hours of trying to dig it out he gave up and started walking back. Jesús passed him on the road and picked him up. As Art goes to check on Mary, Jesús finds something that scares him in the barn. In a panic fetches the people from the house and they come. Then we see that the thing that terrified him was the body of Carl Mestin, hanged.

We then fade to black and go to commercial.

Had you been watching in 1985, you might have seen a commercial like this:

When we get back, the Marshall shows up. He doesn’t much know what he’s doing with a murder investigation and Jessica “subtly” helps him out. She points out that a hay bale was dragged near the body, as if to suggest suicide, but the killer seems to have changed his mind or been scared off.

Jessica also mentions that there looks to be a blood smear above his left ear, as if he was hit by something before he was hanged. (Doc checks out the body and confirms this, saying that Jessica has sharp eyes.) Jessica also notes that the rope on the beam had been splintered, suggesting that it was holding Mestin’s weight when it was pulled over.

Jessica asks Doc how long the body had been dead for and he answers 4-5 hours. Which is rather odd precision to give, even apart from not having taken the temperature of the corpse and run the relevant calculations. Anyway, the Sheriff does the math and says that it was around 3pm, when everyone has battening down the ranch.

That evening, Jessica talks with Mary. She asks Mary what she meant by Mestin shortening her father’s life. Mary explains that she was there on her daily visit and saw Mestin coming out of her father’s room. Mestin didn’t say anything to her and just looked smug. Her father was so upset he couldn’t even talk. He was never the same after that and two days later he died.

Jessica points out that the witnesses on the will were nurses. She suggests that Mestin arrived with the will prepared and pressured her father into signing it. Jessica mentions Mestin’s story about having saved her father’s life during the war, but that’s nonsense. She tripped him up with asking about knowing her husband, which he clearly didn’t. Whatever made Mary’s father sign the will, it wasn’t gratitude.

Bill Carmody then comes out and says that the Sheriff wants them assembled for questioning. Mary asks if Mestin might have been holding something over her father and Bill says he doesn’t know and didn’t know Mestin well. Mary asks about a business venture that they were in together and Carmody explains that Mestin talked into buying grain in order to open up a feed store. Bill bought the grain, then Mestin pulled out and left Bill holding the bag, causing bill to lose a lot of money.

Mary then asks why Bill did business with Mestin, since everyone she knew seemed to hate him. Bill replies that he didn’t have much choice, then says that they had better get inside.

Inside the Sheriff asks everyone where they were at the time that Mestin was killed. Doc, Uncle Tim, Sam Breen, and Bill Carmody were all working around the barn and saw each other. Mary was sleeping after Doc gave her some sleeping pills. This woman, who I presume is an employee, never left the house:

Carl’s wife was in her RV “sleeping it off.” Jessica was in her room “getting rid of jet lag.”

Jessica notes that the women are the only ones who can’t corroborate their alibis, but that don’t make no nevermind to this here Sheriff, as he doesn’t think a woman could have done Mestin in the way he was done did in. In his mind, the only possible suspect not accounted for is Art Merrick, which is good enough for him—he concludes with certainty that Art did it. Jessica shakes her head at him, and he replies, “I thought that you were smarter than that, Ma’am. There ain’t anybody else. Process of elimination.”

And on that we fade to black and go to commercial.

The Sheriff then goes over to where Art is getting his truck out of the mud. He points out that there was solid ground on either side of the mud hole, so Art clearly got himself stuck on purpose (Art says that it was raining so hard he didn’t see the hole until he was in it). The Sheriff then accuses him of the murder and arrests him.

The next day, in the morning, Mary drives Jessica over to the Sheriff’s station:

I find the interior quite interesting:

The most interesting part to me is that while the matte painting behind the set is quite good—it is appropriately out of focus for the foreground, for example, and thus looks fairly convincing—it’s entirely wrong for the environment and the external shot. (We can see based on how Jessica and Mary walk in that the door behind Jessica, here, is between the building and the hill in the exterior shot. But look more closely at what we can see through the window:

(I upped the exposure and size a bit to make the background clearer)

The hill is missing. Also, that looks like a fairly populous town across an empty plain.

Anyway, Jessica tries to talk some sense into the Sheriff. Mestin was struck from behind on the left side of the head, suggesting a left-handed killer, while Art is right-handed. Also, he didn’t have a motive. The only one who benefited from Mestin’s death is Sally Mestin.

The Sheriff then storms out and Sam Breen tells Jessica that bail is already in the works up at the county seat. Also, he and the boys talked and figure that they should stay close to Mary until things are settled.

He leaves and Jessica goes to Mary and Art, where Art relays what he overheard from a call that the Sheriff got from the coroner. This was more substantive than you might expect because it shook the Sheriff up enough he repeated everything the coroner said. The important part of which is that Mestin died of hanging and the blow to the head came afterward. Jessica wonders why Doc was so sure that it was the other way around, and Mary suggests Jessica ask him since his place is just down the street.

Doc’s house is interesting, partially because the shot is so close-cropped. I wonder where this really was.

Anyway, Doc isn’t in, but his nurse/receptionist/housekeeper is in.

She recognizes Jessica because she’s also the local phone operator and nothing goes on in Fifty-Mile that she doesn’t know about. Doc’s on a house call and will be back in about an hour. Jessica can’t wait and wonders if Doc made any notes about the examination he made the night before and wonders if Doc would mind if Jessica peeked in his files to see. The nurse replies that he’d skin her alive if she let Jessica look through his files—the only time Doc ever lost his temper was when he caught someone poking his nose in the Doc’s files. He threw the man out, using words that would “shame Lucifer himself,” and told him that if he ever breathed a word of what he found out it would be the last words he ever spoke.

Jessica asks if the man was a stranger, but it turns out to be Carl Mestin.

The nurse then says that, in her opinion, a man like Carl Mestin was born to hang. Jessica doesn’t agree, but also doesn’t demur.

Back at the house Jessica and Mary run into the housekeeper, who says that Mrs. Mestin requested a lot of coffee and has been on the phone all morning making calls, mostly long distance. Mary then confronts Sally and demands that she leave. Sally refuses and suggests that Mary leave, instead. Mary asks what Carl had on her dad that got him to sign the will and Sally replies that Carl never told her, but whatever it was it must have been very “juicy” because it was very profitable.

A little while later the Sheriff arrives with Art Merrick. He’s dropped the murder charge after he had a chance to think about Jessica’s arguments. Jessica tells him that it takes a strong man to admit his mistakes. The Sheriff replies that Art is still his best suspect… so if he didn’t do it, who did?

Jessica suggests that the Sheriff challenge Sally Mestin to an arm wrestling contest. He might find it illuminating.

Interestingly, he does.

In the preparation for the match, Jessica drops in and says that she wants to observe Sally’s technique. Sally replies that it’s all in the timing and body English. The women’s North American champion is just a little bitty thing, much smaller than Sally. (Sally is significantly overstating this; while technique does certainly matter in arm wrestling, as in all kinds of wrestling, there are significant limits to the strength difference it can overcome.)

They begin and at first not much happens except for the Sheriff grunting. But right before Sally wins, we get a closeup of her hand:

and then her arm:

They did this pretty quickly in the episode, so I’m not sure that it’s reasonable for them to have expected us to notice, but you can see that Sally has a tan line from her bracelet but not from her wedding ring (she’s wrestling with her left arm, so this is her left hand). So she clearly hasn’t been wearing the ring long.

Anyway, after Sally wins, the Sheriff remarks to Jessica that he never thought a woman would be strong enough to do in Mestin, but Sally is sure strong enough and she’s left-handed to boot.

Sally doesn’t take kindly to this and storms off.

That night, while Jessica is in bed, she hears some tapping on her window. She goes over and looks out the window and sees a noose hanging outside.

Jessica looks thoughtful and says, out loud, “I do believe I’m making someone nervous.”

And on that we fade to black and go to commercial.

When we come back from commercial, Sally leaves her trailer and barges in on everyone having breakfast. She’s brash and provocative, and comes on pretty strong to Art Merrick, clearly to antagonize Mary.

Right after she’s served breakfast, though, Sheriff Potts comes in and informs Sally that he has a warrant for her arrest for the murder of her husband. She complains a bunch, then when Sheriff Potts holds up a pair of handcuffs Jessica asks Sally if now isn’t the time to play her trump card, before she winds up on trial for murder.

Sally says that she doesn’t know what Jessica is talking about, but Jessica replies that she does. Her supposed motive for killing Carl is to get ownership of the ranch as his widow, but she’s not, in fact, his widow. She and Carl were never married. Jessica checked on all of the long distance phone calls and they were to quickie wedding chapels in Nevada. She figures that Sally was looking for one that would sell her a forged wedding certificate, and since Sally got so much bolder after those phone calls, she probably found one that would. Jessica suggests that the proof is that the skin under her wedding ring is as tan as everywhere else; only the skin under her bracelet has a tan line. Clearly, the wedding ring was a prop.

Sally sinks down in her chair. She sighs and says that Carl said that people around here are old-fashioned. If they pretended to be married, it wouldn’t make waves. She then gets up and says that if she’s not under arrest she’d like to leave. The Sheriff replies that there are some nice places on the edge of town where she can park the RV, but he recommends not going any further than that from town.

After she leaves, Potts sits down and expresses his frustration. Now he’s back to the beginning.

Jessica says that she can give a description of the murderer. He’s a tall, strong, ambidextrous man who had number of reasons to hate Carl Mestin but only one reason strong enough to kill him.

The Sheriff replies that there ain’t anybody like that around here, and Jessica sadly nods her head and says, “Yes. I know.”

A few minutes later Art, Mary, and Jessica are standing on the porch as Sally drives off. Art says that he can’t say that he’s sorry to wave goodbye to her and Mary replies that in a funny kind of way she feels sorry for Sally. Art then points out that now is a good time to get his truck and Mary volunteers to drive him over. She invites Jessica to come with her for some reason but Jessica declines.

When Jessica comes in, only Doc is at the table, peeling an apple. Jessica notes that he’s left-handed. He replies that he’s very left handed, but not ambidextrous. He asks her why she says the killer is ambidextrous and she replies that Mestin was struck from behind on the left, but the hangman’s noose outside her window was tied by a right-handed person. Hence, ambidextrous.

He asks Jessica if she really knows what she’s saying and Jessica replies that, unfortunately, she does. She then says that she’s going to take a walk, perhaps go down to the barn and look around.

The Doc follows her and asks her to not meddle in things she doesn’t understand. Someone could get hurt. Jessica replies that he’s not talking about her, he’s talking about Mary, isn’t he? It seems to her that Carl Mestin was killed to protect Mary from some terrible secret that’s worse than the loss of her birthright. Could any secret be worse than that?

Doc replies that one could and asks her to drop it.

When she gets to the barn Uncle Tim, Sam Breen, and Bill Carmody are waiting there.

Jessica then says that they’re four men who added up to one tall, strong, ambidextrous killer. After revealing a bunch of what she knows, she then asks about what she doesn’t. Who was Carl Mestin? He knew about the haymow door needing bracing in the wind, so he seems to have worked here in the past, but a long time ago since it was before Mary was old enough remember.

It’s Uncle Tim who finally speaks. Carl—which wasn’t actually his real name—was a randy young ranch hand at Carver ranch. He tried every way he knew to seduce Jack’s wife, but it didn’t work. One day he found her alone and raped her. Then he ran and the five of them—including John Carver—chased him down and caught him. They strung him up and were going to hang him but John said no and talked them out of it. Because he asked it, they instead turned him over to the law. Only Carl escaped and got clean away. And Ruth—John’s wife—turned out to be pregnant with Mary. She seemed to believe that the child was John’s and Doc let her believe it. After Ruth died in childbirth, John raised Mary as if she was his own. He loved her and doted on her, and his one great fear was that she would find out the truth about her parentage.

Jessica asks how Carl figured it out. Sam Breen replies that as near as they can figure out, he changed his name, stayed around near Fifty-Mile but out of their sight, and read about the birth in the paper and did the math. But he needed a clincher, so he broke into Doc’s files. Not Mary’s, but John’s. John was sterile and could never father a child of his own.

The night of the funeral, they saw the horse run into the barn where Carl was and the idea seemed to hit them all at once. They put a noose around his neck and put him up on the horse in order to scare him, but he was cocky and mocked them, saying that they didn’t have the guts. Then there was an enormous lighting flash and the horse spooked and bolted. The fall off the horse broke Carl’s neck when he finally fell to the end of the slack in the rope. It felt like divine providence. After that they knew that one man couldn’t have lynched him, so they took him down, Doc hit him because he knew where and how hard, then they strung him back up, so it could look like the work of one man. It never occurred to them that Art would be blamed. They’d had stepped in if Jessica hadn’t cleared him.

Jessica then asks, “So what happens next?”

Sam stands up and says, “Alright. We’ll go to the Sheriff. Tell him what happened. Stand trial. I don’t know what a jury will say. We’ll even go to jail if it comes to that. But there’s no way on God’s green earth Mary will ever know the reason why. Not from any of us.”

Jessica replies, “Nor from me, Sam. She’s been hurt enough already.”

Sam then takes off his hat, offers Jessica his arm, and they all walk back to the house.

I have very mixed feelings about this episode. On the one hand, parts of it are well done. We get a good sense of the loneliness of the Carver ranch and the close-knit nature of the sort of community which is necessary to thrive where there are so few people. On the other hand, I really don’t like the ending.

The ending violates the ideal structure of a murder mystery. In an ideal murder mystery, the murder—that is, the intentional, unjustified killing—causes a disorder in the community through the misuse of reason. The detective then enters the world, temporarily becoming a part of it, and through the right use of reason restores order to the community. Plenty of mysteries don’t have this structure; however, though it’s not universal, it is common and, more importantly, it’s the structure that the best mysteries have.

The first major violation of this structure in this episode is that the killing isn’t even murder. It is more properly manslaughter, since they did not intend to kill but nevertheless did kill during the commission of a crime (assault).

The second major violation of this structure is that the death didn’t cause a rupture in the community. In fact, Carl Mestin’s presence caused the rupture in the community and his death fixed it. It didn’t perfectly fix it, but everyone was better off with Carl Mestin dead.

Worse, the part that Carl Mestin’s death didn’t fix wasn’t fixed any other way, too: Carl’s inheritance of the ranch. With Carl’s death it doesn’t go to his widow, since he wasn’t actually married, but if he doesn’t have any near relatives, it would go, not to Mary, but to the state of Wyoming. About the best case for Mary would be that, with Mestin dead, no one who will speak up on Mestin’s behalf will mention the existence of this will and consequently Mary can inherit under the rules of intestacy. If things turned out that way it would just bring us back to Carl Mestin’s death being the thing which fixed the problems that his life caused. (It would actually work for Mary to inherit as his daughter, presuming Mestin died intestate, but that just causes other problems.)

Which means that Jessica’s solving of the crime did no one any good.

And the thing is, I mean literally no one. Not even the Sheriff. Contrast this with Agatha Christie’s classic murder mystery, Murder On the Orient Express. (spoilers ahead, but, dear reader, as you’d have to be 92 years old at the time of my writing this to not have had your entire life to read it, I think you’ve had enough time and I can discuss the plot with a clear conscience.)

Murder On the Orient Express, like Funeral At Fifty Mile, has the solution that almost everyone did it together. And, further, it has the property that the victim really had it coming, and his departure from the world fixed problems caused by his wickedness while it did not introduce any new problems, except for the responsibilities given to the authorities. Which brings us to the key difference: in Murder on the Orient Express, the authorities had a real problem caused by the death. Specifically the director of the Wagon-Lit company had a murder on his train and for which he was responsible to his passengers because passengers really dislike trains on which people get murdered. And owners of companies do not like it when their customers get murdered while being customers. Poirot solved these problems for him without creating more problems. He laid out two possible solutions: an uncatchable fake assassin who crept away in the snow but who was specifically after the victim and who might have killed him anywhere, and the real solution. He laid out the assassin theory first and the director of the Wagon-Lit company at first dismissed it, but Poirot admonished him to not be so quick to dismiss it because he may come to like it after hearing the second solution. And, indeed, he did. After Poirot carefully laid out the real solution, the director said that clearly he had spoken too hastily and obviously the first solution was correct. That is, Poirot gave him a way to fulfill his duty to the rest of society and also to act justly in this case, and left the decision with him.

By contrast, Sheriff Ed Potts didn’t really have any obligation to the community to solve the killing of Carl Mestin because the general opinion in Fifty Mile was that Mestin was born to hang and the world was clearly better off without him in it. And these are the people who employ Sheriff Potts and the only people to whom he answers. Unlike the director of the Wagon-Lit, if he just left well enough alone, everyone would be happy. And it is in this context that Jessica demanded that the four friends not let the Sheriff leave well enough alone.

This brings us to one of the strange things about Jessica Fletcher as a person: her greatest faith is in civic authority. She is, perhaps, best described as a devoted believer in the American Civic Religion. (It’s an amorphous, hard to nail down religion which is vaguely deist and holds America to be something sacred and thus all its institutions are sacred.) She has notions of justice, but her devotion to the American institution of the courts is greater. Poirot, being Catholic, could hold that human institutions are fallible and not always to be trusted with the difficult cases. Jessica cannot; she must see the law carried out no matter what.

Which means that Murder, She Wrote does better when it sticks to actual murder and leaves things like manslaughter, justified homicide, etc. alone. Les Miserables would not be improved by having Javert as the protagonist.

Moving on from the ending, the characters in this episode were mostly pretty good. None of them were well fleshed out but they at least all had a few hints of a personality and the actors did a lot with those hints. William Windon as Sam Breen, in particular, was a ton of fun. This may be why he replaced Claude Akins as Jessica’s close Cabot Cove friend starting in the second season.

The main exception was Sheriff Potts. He was a caricature from the beginning, which can be a fun start if the caricature becomes a character; that is, if he gets turned into a real person who simply has some interesting quirks. That often reflects how we meet people, after all. At first we notice their unusual characteristics, then we get to know them. The problem with Ed Potts is that he never became a character. The closest they came was having him drive Art back home after dropping the charges, as that did require some sense of responsibility. But on the whole I found him annoying without any compensation for that annoyance.

The setting was also enjoyable: Fifty-Mile, Wyoming, was a nice place to visit.

Another point in this episode’s favor is that it does actually establish how Jessica is connected to the place. Over the seasons, Jessica has an oddly large number of old friends who are never really explained and are often not very plausible; attending the funeral of someone her late husband served with in the Air Force is a nice way to explain this that is plausible.

As far as plot holes go, this episode did pretty well. I think one plot hole was that the people were a bit over-concerned that Mary never find out that she was Mestin’s daughter. It would be pretty unpleasant to find out that the man you thought was your father was merely a man who loved you and raised you as his own, but your real father is a scumbag rapist. On the other hand, it’s not like anyone gets to pick his parents and having someone raise you lovingly because you’re the daughter of a good woman he loved would help her to deal with it, and it’s not like anybody in the area believes in a tainted bloodline, so she wouldn’t face any practical consequences. I don’t want to overstate that; I completely understanding not wanting to burden her with the truth, but that can easily be taken too far. Very few good things come from running from the truth. And I very much doubt it would be worth disinheriting Mary rather than telling her the truth. Especially now that she’s an adult. As a child she might worry that she will take after her real father, but as an adult she knows who she is, regardless of who her father was.

The only other real plot hole I can think of is the noose outside of Jessica’s window. That really came from nowhere and went nowhere and didn’t fit the character of any of the four conspirators. They really just did it so that they could go to commercial break on a dramatic note and couldn’t come up with anything. But at the same time it only takes a few seconds and could easily be excised from the episode without anything else having to be changed. Well, that’s not quite true. Instead of Jessica saying that the noose outside her window was tied by a right-handed man, she’d have had to say that the noose around Mestin’s neck was tied by a right-handed man. Half a line isn’t much of an impact.

Actually, there’s one more plot hole I can think of: I’m not sure that Sally not having a tan line under her wedding ring is actually proof that she wasn’t really married. Sally would, in any event, have been pretending that she and Carl got married recently, which means that even if it were true she’d have had no time to get a tan line from her wedding ring.

Well, that’s the end of the first season of Murder, She Wrote. Back in 1985 it was almost five months until Season 2 would begin with Widow, Weep For Me.

The Undignified Melodrama of the Bone of the Contention

I was recently given a complete collection of the Lord Peter Wimsey short stories. Some of the Lord Peter novels are among my favorite detective fiction—especially those involving Harriet Vane—but oddly I hadn’t really enjoyed the few Lord Peter short stories I had read. My mother—who introduced me to Lord Peter—gave me the collection saying that it was a mixed bag and I had the bad luck of picking the worst of them.

As I’ve mentioned before, in detective fiction short stories have a very different structure than novels do, not merely because the normal differences between the two media, but because a completely different sort of story is possible in a short story. Specifically: the puzzle. A short story permits a complex setup which is then unraveled in the end to the (possible) astonishment of the reader but a novel simply doesn’t permit of that sort of story. The thread can’t be stretched that far without breaking; there is no possible excuse for the detective spending so long without revealing what he knows. (TV shows have this problem, though TV episodes are more similar to short stories, and solve it by having the detective suddenly remember or realize something, in order to give the viewer time to figure the solution out.)

The Undignified Melodrama of the Bone of Contention is interesting in that it’s almost a very short novela rather than a long short story; certainly it lingers on the characters and atmosphere in a way that is more the domain of novels. The characters and atmosphere being one of the strengths of Lord Peter this is a point in its favor, but it never really fleshes the characters out enough for any of them to be really likable. I know that likability can be overrated; perhaps it’s better to say that we never really learn enough about the characters for any of their concerns to matter. Lord Peter views his surroundings with a sort of detached air and nothing counterbalances this. This is true of almost all of the Lord Peter stories, but in the good ones he has some other character to counter-balance this with attachment. Even where that isn’t Harriet Vane, as in, for example, Clouds of Witness, there is still the fact that people Wimsey cares about care whether Wimsey’s brother will be hanged for murder. Here, Wimsey doesn’t want to be involved and gets dragged in by others who don’t want to be involved either. This doesn’t ruin the story, but it certainly doesn’t help.

The mystery itself is really several (related) mysteries, but they’re not at first obviously related to each other. Even that would be fairly normal, except that there is no particular reason to solve the first mystery except for the sheer curiosity of Lord Peter. Granted, a ghostly coach passing in the night would arouse curiosity, but at the same time the solution simply drops when Lord Peter discovers it. It has no significance at the time. In fact that’s probably my real complaint: the story never sets up the mystery properly; everything happens and then we’re presented with the mystery and its solution in rapid succession. On the other hand, I will say that I appreciated Lord Peter ruling out a supernatural explanation of the ghostly coach not on a priori grounds since that would be unsound, but because the apparition didn’t bother his horse at all, as one would expect a ghost to. It was a nice touch of rationality in a character who does not believe in the supernatural (Sayers famously said that Lord Peter would consider it an impertinence to believe he had a soul).

Overall I enjoyed reading the The Undignified Melodrama of the Bone of Contention, but it’s hard for it not to be marred by comparison to Sayers’ best work. I recommend reading it, but I doubt that I will reread it often.


If you enjoy Lord Peter Wimsey stories even half as much as I do, please consider checking out my murder mystery, The Dean Died Over Winter Break.

tddowb