I’ve noticed in the last decade or so something of an increase in people complaining about how awful so many people are now. The intended implication is generally that society is doomed, but the real implication is that you can’t just pick anyone as an employee/wife/husband/whatever. The thing is, it’s always been that way.

There never was a time when it worked to hire just anyone. There never was a time when it was a good idea to marry just anyone. Yes, society can be organized in such a way that the pools of people from which it would be reasonable to pick were larger, but there was no time in which it was the majority of people.

I suspect that in many cases the defeatist attitude is the real point—quite a few people prefer explanations for why they can’t possibly succeed to a realistic plan for succeeding, or at least for maximizing their chances of success.

Having acknowledged that, I think that it’s still worth pointing out that in anything important involving people where you get to choose who you associate with, it’s very important to choose carefully. People find it comfortable to talk about compatibility of personality, and there is something to that. Far more important, though, is to find people who are seriously committed to being virtuous. Not merely people who have some decent principles, or who generally behave well, but who are actively trying to live up to their principles.

This is important precisely because, unfortunately, we all fall short. With extremely rare exceptions, looking for people who have never done anything wrong is mostly looking for people who have never done anything. (This is one of the reasons why it’s so easy for young people to pick girlfriends/boyfriends badly; they’re far more likely to mistake someone who’s never failed because they’ve never been tested for someone who’s never failed because they’ve always done well.) Looking for people who are committed to being virtuous solves the dilemma of how to sift through the people who have failed—the ones to pick are the ones who keep trying.

And the thing is, realistically, this is a minority of people, and always has been. And as long as you’re looking for a person who is in the minority, it’s going to be a long, difficult process to find them. So we’ve got to do the same thing that people always had to do—cast a wide net, be selective, and live in hope.

That and realize that the cross we may be given to bear is not finding anyone suitable.